My Darkest Days

Worship this morning in our fellowship brought me back to some of the darkest days of my life. I praise my friend Jesus – He brought me out of those days and gave me victory over them several years ago. However, I am occasionally taken back – not to relive them – but to gain new perspectives my Father wants to reveal.

In our spiritual family, we were celebrating the life of a child who died within a few hours of birth. We were recognizing that God has a plan and destiny for everyone, no matter how long or short our earthly experience might be. The parents of this child had chosen to carry Samuel rather than abort him as many suggested when they were told the child would not survive. In worship, we celebrated Samuel’s earthly life with recognition that he is having an eternity with the Father. As worship progressed, our pastor, asked for all who had experienced the loss of a child to come to the altar in celebration of the life God had given.

As some know, Janene experienced a miscarriage between the births of Jill and Jullianne. Janene and I were already having challenges as we had custody of our nephew and were trying to blend him in with our family. The struggles we were having had placed a strain on our relationship with each other. We were visiting our family in Tennessee when the miscarriage occurred. It was an excruciating time for Janene. My responses were often less than sensitive in the days that followed. My response only increased the strain on our relationship. There is much more to the story and God is glorified in the ultimate outcome. I want to share the new insight God gave me today, as He allowed me to revisit those days.

First, my Father showed me that He wanted to create a greater capacity for me to exhibit a father’s heart. I missed the opportunity, during the events surrounding the miscarriage, to be a father to my unborn child. As a result, I was not able to share the same loss as my wife. Today, God is giving me greater revelation of what it means to be a father and the great healing power it brings to families and relationships.

Second, the Lord showed my need to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit as He shows me how I need to respond to the “now”. There is always so much going on around me that I often miss the “now” opportunities to express God’s heart and see the magnificent happenings all around me. Sometimes God speaks through the Holy Spirit and I don’t hear until I slow down – by that time I have missed a “God Moment”.

Lord, show me more of what it means to be a father from your perspective. Give me spiritual eyes to see what You are doing and what You want me to see and respond to. Thank You for the lessons you continue to teach us even through dark times.

Psalms 23:4
Even when I must walk through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for you are with me; your rod and your staff reassure me.